Its funny how I can be like “please can I come over to your place because I’m bored or want to see your cats”. What they dont see is that it might be the only way to stop me from killing myself…
Thats how bad I get when people restrain me, insults me (even as a joke) or touch me anywhere without permission. I get like this…. In tears and shaking.
J kept slapping me over the thigh as a joke because S wouldn’t get any cutlery so I tried to stop him and he grabbed me by the wrists, now I’m shaking and just stormed out of Source. I haven’t been this bad in ages. I don’t know how to cope on my own behind these 4 walls. Why must all my attempts at socialising end up with me in tears?
So… J just restrained me in a “fight” to the extent where I had a flashback but neither J or S noticed because theyre so intoxicated. I dont know how to cope, I’m shaking while theyre just talking and eating
People consider me as a friend because I’m buying them drinks and sitting with them. Is that what a friend is? Fletch, told me I was his friend but what does that even mean? He doesnt know I’m breaking down, drinking and cutting during the night
Do we cut? Do we drink? Do we scream?! Do we run to the tracks next to Roeburn?!
I don’t know how to cope with the R word being mentioned anymore! I’ve no one to ring or hang about with to take my mind off it!
The “R” word popped up in the last exam too so I had that going around in my head. How I’m fighting a break down right now is quite the miracle…
How I’ve survived this long with the voices, hallucinations, flashbacks… is another miracle..
Since joining the LGBT society, I seem to have fallen for this girl that I’ve barely spoken to and probably have nothing in common about, which I guess is fine and her being single gave me the smallest hope that I might have a chance with her. Now I find out that she’s been dating someone for the past few months which has kicked me in the gut really hard. No wait, it gets better! Theyre both going on the LGBT London trip! So theyre going to be all PDA infront of me which is going to drive my head crazy even more.
Why do I have to fall for someone that I have nothing in common with?! I couldn’t focus on my damn exam so I’ve probably failed it, I need to find a way to take my mind of it before my exam this afternoon.
Alcohol is tempting =/
I just have to get through today then I can sleep for a couple of days before London.
I find some sick pleasure in tricking my parents into thinking I’m eating by buying pizzas, chucking them and having the empty boxes in my room.
Yet I’m still disgusting fat. I hate these shitty pills I’m on!
- me everyday:today is not my day
I wonder how anyone at uni would cope in my shoes. No one to hang out with or anything.